MST3K #417: Crash of the Moons

Mystery Science Theater 3000 experiment #417: Crash of the Moons (with an old clip from General Hospital).
Original airdate: November 28, 1992.
Available on MST3K, Volume XVIII, on sale at Amazon.

In a clip from an ancient episode of General Hospital, ABC's last surviving soap opera, Cynthia and Phil argue about who Cynthia is in love with. Phil wants Cynthia to love him and not the poor schmuck she loves. Or something. Truth be told, I couldn't follow what was going on. It ends with Cynthia and Phil engaging in liplock in a car. The repercussions of this kiss are still being felt today on the show.

The main feature is pieced together from episodes of the old sci-fi series Rocky Jones, Space Ranger. Here, Rock and his crew Winky, Professor Newton, Vena and a kid named Bobby are trying to evacuate the planet Ofecious before it collides with another planet. Queen Cleolanta of Ofecious would alternately rather die on her doomed planet, or at least try to destroy the rogue planet first. This second planet is the home of Kwotanda, Bwavarro, and their son, the Little Prince, who won't stop crying. In addition to many bad special effects of rocketships taking off and landing perfectly vertical, we also have John Banner of Hogan's Heroes fame in one of his more memorable roles. Boopie!

On the SOL, Tom Servo tries tackling macrame, and Crow sells Grit to keep kids like him off of the streets. Apparently, Crow has a history of ordering things in bulk that he keeps trying to sell to Joel, Servo and Gypsy. The invention exchange sees the Mads introduce Deep 13 Toothpaste, a sugary product that is great for teeth, I tell you! Meanwhile, Joel introduces the Rock 'n' Wreck Guitar for poor musicians who can wreck it and put it back together to their heart's content...and TV's Frank won't stop bogarting the toothpaste. Later on, introduced by Mr. Robinson, Crow and Tom serenade Gypsy with a song called "The Gypsy Moon", and leave it to Crow to ruin it by getting too dirty at the end. Next, Joel and the 'Bots introduce the Banner-gram in honor of John Banner, which you can send to anyone in the country, Denver in particular. Crow ends up sending a John Byner-gram and a David Mamet-gram by accident. Crow makes up for it next with his new sci-fi teleplay, with a ton of nonsensical, made-up words. Tom Servo isn't exactly impressed. After the movie, after Joel reads a letter, the Satellite receives a Banner-gram. Thinking quickly, Joel and the 'Bots send one down to Deep 13, and Dr. Forrester is not exactly appreciative.

A fun season four episode made even better by Trace Beaulieu's performance at the end of the show. Dr. F's freakout upon learning he's just been sent a Banner-gram is classic. I can't forget to mention Mike Nelson's hysterical John Banner, too. Highly recommended episode.