Mystery Science Theater 3000 experiment #621: The Beast of Yucca Flats (with shorts, Money Talks and Progress Island U.S.A.)
Original Comedy Central airdate: January 21, 1995.
Available from Amazon on the 18th MST3K collection.
Money Talks: A young man wonders how he can go to the dance this Friday, but he doesn't have enough money to get in. Benjamin Franklin drops by to show our young friend how to budget his money better, among other helpful tips. This kid only earns seven dollars a week. How does he live on so little?!
Progress Island U.S.A.: A fast paced and exciting 1973 film designed to persuade investors into pouring some money into the crown jewel of the Caribbean, Puerto Rico. In 1973, Puerto Rico had everything! Music! Gambling! Rum! Nothing you couldn't find anywhere in the big cities here in the United States! I've lost sleep on many nights wondering if this short film really accomplished its purpose.
The Beast of Yucca Flats: The third part of the Coleman Francis trilogy, this one manages to be as inept and unintentionally hilarious as the other two movies. Following an edited scene where a nude woman is strangled by an unidentified man, Joseph Javorsky (Tor Johnson), noted Soviet scientist, defects to America, choosing to come to the Yucca Flat. He has a briefcase stuffed full of military secrets. Javorsky is attacked instantly by a pair of KGB assassins. He manages to outwalk them deep into the desert, where he wanders too close to an American nuclear test, which transforms him into a mindless, homicidal beast who presumably has little interest in protecting Soviet secrets, preferring to stumble around aimlessly. Javorsky kills a young couple, and is pursued by two cops. Meanwhile, two young sons get separated from their parents on vacation, and end up running into Javorsky. The movie ends like any true Coleman Francis classic does: someone gets shot to death by law enforcement. This one also features the usual Francis talent, like Tony Cardoza, Eric "I like coffee!" Tomlin, and Conrad Brooks.
Coleman Francis filmed this turkey without a soundtrack, so any narration, dialogue, and sound effects were added on later, leading to characters only speaking while offscreen, or when their faces aren't totally visable onscreen. Also, any gunplay is featured with the muzzle of the gun out of the shot. Basically, any film student could make a better movie than this! Bah!
We open on the S.O.L. with Mike Nelson putting up rows of mismatched wallpaper, while Tom Servo and Crow offer absolutely no practical assistance. Down in Deep 13, Dr. Forrester and TV's Frank unveil "Proposition Deep 13", complete with balloons and catchphrases. Mike and the 'Bots issue their own rebuttal, and they seem very confident of their victory until informed that this week's experiment is a Coleman Francis film. After that, they're like "NO RLY, OMFG!!" After the shorts, a loud party next door gets the attention of Mike, Servo, and Crow on the bridge, and Crow sneaks over to marvel at the Rick Wakeman record on hand. Apparently, our heroes don't really throw outrageous parties. Next, it's almost lunchtime, and Crow keeps asking Mike if it's 11:30 yet. And keeps asking. Later on, Crow introduces his new organization, the Film Anti-Preservation Society (FAPS), which is dedicated to allowing the deterioration of all horrible films such as this one. Mike comes on to halt Crow's speech. After the movie's done, Mike gives his victory speech, while the Mads concede defeat, leading to TV's Frank getting slapped in the face exactly 24 times.
Highly recommended episode containing a horrible movie, and two hysterical shorts.
...what?
Oh yes, I neglected to mention the best line:
"Flag on the moon...how did it get there?"
Showing posts with label coleman francis. Show all posts
Showing posts with label coleman francis. Show all posts
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Saturday, February 14, 2009
MST3K #609: The Skydivers
Mystery Science Theater 3000 experiment 609: The Skydivers (with short Why Study Industrial Arts?)
Originally aired August 27, 1994.
Part of the first MST3K Collection, still available at Amazon.
Why Study Industrial Arts? explains why boys, and apparently, only boys should take shop classes even if they think they don't need to. Like Crow said at the end, this was the film the boys watched, while the girls went to the gym "and watched the OTHER film!"
The Skydivers is the typical Coleman Francis pile of incoherency, where husband and wife Harry and Beth run a parachuting school. An old girlfriend of Harry's, Suzy, starts seeing a fired mechanic, Frankie. Beth is secretly having an affair with a new mechanic, Joe. Lots of coffee is consumed, plenty of stock music from scratchy old library records is heard, there are awkward cuts and dialogue, and the movie ends with Suzy and Frankie gunned down by a mob.
Oh yes, we also can't forget another Francis trademark bordering on possible fetish: heavy usage of light aircraft pertaining to the plot.
During the host segments, Crow manages to derail Tom Servo's one-bot planetarium presentation by frequently asking about Uranus. The Mads challenge Mike and the 'bots to a Swing Choir competition, which they win, of course. Crow's day quickly goes to hell as he cuts himself in half vertically while building in Mike's shop class. He then puts himself in a "double jock lock" and refuses help, since he believes he needs to find his way out of it alone. Later on, Crow's new car is strafed by Servo's new plane, and both robots find themselves hung upside down from parachutes while Mike reads a letter.
Good episode.
Originally aired August 27, 1994.
Part of the first MST3K Collection, still available at Amazon.
Why Study Industrial Arts? explains why boys, and apparently, only boys should take shop classes even if they think they don't need to. Like Crow said at the end, this was the film the boys watched, while the girls went to the gym "and watched the OTHER film!"
The Skydivers is the typical Coleman Francis pile of incoherency, where husband and wife Harry and Beth run a parachuting school. An old girlfriend of Harry's, Suzy, starts seeing a fired mechanic, Frankie. Beth is secretly having an affair with a new mechanic, Joe. Lots of coffee is consumed, plenty of stock music from scratchy old library records is heard, there are awkward cuts and dialogue, and the movie ends with Suzy and Frankie gunned down by a mob.
Oh yes, we also can't forget another Francis trademark bordering on possible fetish: heavy usage of light aircraft pertaining to the plot.
During the host segments, Crow manages to derail Tom Servo's one-bot planetarium presentation by frequently asking about Uranus. The Mads challenge Mike and the 'bots to a Swing Choir competition, which they win, of course. Crow's day quickly goes to hell as he cuts himself in half vertically while building in Mike's shop class. He then puts himself in a "double jock lock" and refuses help, since he believes he needs to find his way out of it alone. Later on, Crow's new car is strafed by Servo's new plane, and both robots find themselves hung upside down from parachutes while Mike reads a letter.
Good episode.
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
MST3K #619: Red Zone Cuba
Mystery Science Theater 3000 experiment #619: Red Zone Cuba.
Originally aired December 17, 1994.
Available at Amazon.
"I'm Cherokee Jack!"
This is the last directorial project for Coleman Francis (who also wrote and starred as Griffin), and it manages to be more confusing and poorly edited than his other two films. You have to love the public domain and highly inappropriate background music selected for most of the scenes.
A young newspaper reporter asks an ancient train engineer (John Carradine in a cameo, and he probably did it for the money) about the three men who hopped his train years ago. Those three men are the escaped convict Griffin, who runs across two drifters named Cook (Harold Saunders) and Landis (Anthony Cardoza). They are recruited into a military training facility, where they'll be paid to take part in an invasion of Cuba, all after 30 minutes of intense training. The three idiots realize they've been lied to, and make a run for it, but they are recaptured and forced to participate in the invasion, which fails miserably.
Captured, Griffin, Cook and Landis plot their escape back to the United States, leaving behind their superior officer who is badly wounded. While begging to be included, the officer mentions his family's mine back at home. Once they escape via a stolen light aircraft, the trio commit a variety of crimes to get to the home of the wife of their officer, intending to help her mine those metals (Griffin insists they all go "legit", which lasts all of a few minutes). The movie ends with Cook and Landis surrendering to the police, and Griffin gets shot down while on the run, making it all the way to hell, "with a penny and a broken cigarette".
Highly recommended.
Originally aired December 17, 1994.
Available at Amazon.
"I'm Cherokee Jack!"
This is the last directorial project for Coleman Francis (who also wrote and starred as Griffin), and it manages to be more confusing and poorly edited than his other two films. You have to love the public domain and highly inappropriate background music selected for most of the scenes.
A young newspaper reporter asks an ancient train engineer (John Carradine in a cameo, and he probably did it for the money) about the three men who hopped his train years ago. Those three men are the escaped convict Griffin, who runs across two drifters named Cook (Harold Saunders) and Landis (Anthony Cardoza). They are recruited into a military training facility, where they'll be paid to take part in an invasion of Cuba, all after 30 minutes of intense training. The three idiots realize they've been lied to, and make a run for it, but they are recaptured and forced to participate in the invasion, which fails miserably.
Captured, Griffin, Cook and Landis plot their escape back to the United States, leaving behind their superior officer who is badly wounded. While begging to be included, the officer mentions his family's mine back at home. Once they escape via a stolen light aircraft, the trio commit a variety of crimes to get to the home of the wife of their officer, intending to help her mine those metals (Griffin insists they all go "legit", which lasts all of a few minutes). The movie ends with Cook and Landis surrendering to the police, and Griffin gets shot down while on the run, making it all the way to hell, "with a penny and a broken cigarette".
Highly recommended.
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